"I grew up in a small town alot like Tree Hill. On the edge of town, there was an overpass above an interstate that went places. Exotic places. Exciting places.Somewhere else. I used to sit above that highway and wonder where all those cars were going. Where people inside were going. Or where they were coming from. And as soon as I got my drivers liscense, I became one of them. For me, there were always two reasons to take a road trip, and neither of them had to do with destination. The first was to spend time with good friends. To talk. To laugh. To live. The second was to listen to music. New music. Old music. Great music." - Mark Schwahn
This qoute is just a entry on a cd I bought, Its full of some awesome music. Its got this really good song called Crown of Thorns. Id never heard it until right now. In the same paragraph im qouting from this man goes on to say, how you can hear a song and relate to it at some point in your life. Certain songs remind you of a good memory from the past. Tom Pettys "Last dance with mary jane", does that to me. It remeinds me of a entire summer, I was in looove with that song, and that was the summer I first heard it.
Its not just things you hear or see that can bring memories back.. What about smells? Like the perfume you were wearing, or the smell of your hair on a night that something happened to you. Its like when you use that scent for the first time in a while.. it floods you with memories. I just put a new air freshner in my truck.. and as soon as I smelled it it brought back such good memories! You should always pay attention to the sights and scents and sounds.. they mean alot to.
Anyways today ill be leaving for New Braunfels again, hopefully the weather will be as nice as it was last weekend!
I wasn’t going to write this blog because TONS of people are going to find it offensive and be really mad. But for the mothers I know who got pregnant at 17 and 18 and do badass for themselves and there children... I am going to. Why do women who have something that’s apart of them in there bellys, decide to drink? Knowing they have this embryo inside of them that’s forming into a tiny precious little baby. An embryo THEY created on their own, an embryo that would have formed into a fetus and then into a fully developed human being... while there "mother" is pumping poison into its VEINS. A child that could have lived to be 100 years old, that child would have had a name.. A future.. It would find love and happiness, it might have had children of its own, it might have gone to college, became a doctor.. A lawyer.. but no instead a selfish human being who HAD the chance it will never get, wants to take a vacuum full of suction that’s going to literally RIP him apart. It’s going to dismember his HEAD from his neck moving on to his tiny little legs and feet, his hands and small little arms, his spleen and his ribs, EVERYTHING into a freaking VACUUM. If the cost of a child’s life is worth one damn drink to you.. You definitely do not deserve to have something people WANT but cant have. There’s such a thing as adoption.. it saves a 19inch 6lb child with 10 toes and 10 fingers, with 2 ears and a belly button, with there little nose and blue eyes.. or brown eyes.. maybe even green eyes. That child’s real "mother" may not want to be part of his life, but she cared enough to let someone else be apart of his life and save him. But if these women are dumb enough to drink and do drugs with this little body in there wombs.. let these mothers feel the guilt of destroying.. What could have been there child.. but they are to ignorant to know that they need to grow up and take responsibility of there actions.. If you’re too stupid to get on birth control... Its called ABSTINENCE. No you can’t buy it.
And for a little more information about one of the most common forms of abortion...
If you cant handle it, dont click it.. its sort of graphic.
Passed out on a 4 hour road trip at 3 in the morning.. "CLICK IT OR TICKET" wow. where am I? What just happened? And then.. the first thing that comes out of my mouth after I was woken up by Brandi screaming is.. "Who even HAS 200 dollars" Im soo sleepy.
Wow things have changed soo much since the last time I wrote. Reading back all I can think to myself is.. uhh was I kidding myself?! A old friend actually emailed me after not talking for months. At this point I think I was at my lowest and her words hit me hard. "Ive learned that somethings just aren't meant to be and somethings are..." Although I don't know if I'm actually willing to give everything up for good, but for the time being I am going to. I cant believe how much happier Ive been the last 2 weeks. Ive made a new friend and Ive apparently lost one. I'm not sure exactly why I lost that friend, but at this point what matters most to me is being happy. And if that makes me less of a person to you in the process.. to bad. Because making myself a happier and better person is making me more of a person. Its awesome to see a few of my friends pull together and try to make me feel better. A little girl time, a few weekends away, and a couple new friends.. makes alooot of difference. I know I'm not perfect and I do and say things that are probably unforgivable, but I just want those things to be forgivable. I'm only a 19 year old, I don't always think out things logically. I think its called being human!! Anyways.. if your one of the few that are making me feel like a bad person, I'm through with people like you. Theres people that hurt your feelings and then theres people who take things away from you intentionally. Those of you have hurt my feelings in the past I'm over it.. and I hope if Ive hurt yours, you can get over it. But to the one person whose taken something away from me to try and hurt me.. sweetheart you did it, you did exactly as you said. So now your a shitty person. Anyways I just thought I would get that out there. I needed to write!
When your desperatley wanting something, I think that the want part gets in your way. You dont need it, but you want it and your willing to do whatever it takes to get it. I sat myself down last night and thought to myself.. Is what I keep putting myself through ACTUALLY worth it? I mean I keep trying and trying, getting closer and closer and it seems like its all for nothing. Or maybe just for a few days things are perfect. To me that makes it worse.. to get exactly what you want and then have it stepped all over. Only to put myself through it a few days later. Its my fault ultimately, I put myself through it and I dont know why. But to answer my question.. is it worth it? Yes, It means everything to me. This is so new to me, I never had to try before. It always worked out for me, but right now... im falling a step behind. No matter what.
It hurts,but im not done trying. Dont be worried though, its not dangerous
Growing up my mom would always tell me, "When you and Bonnie are older your going to appreciate eachother more." I would think there was NO way I can ever like Bonnie. Because if you would have asked me 10 years ago if I liked my sister.. You would hear me say how much I HATE HER. Because let me tell you. I really thought I did. You think you had a mean sister?! If you would have had to deal with Bonnie, your brothers and sisters would look like the easter bunny or something. Speaking of.. when I was 6 years old, She told me how Santa Clause, the easter bunny, and the tooth fairy were all fake. Duh I didnt believe her for another year or so until I woke up and heard my parents in the attic on easter morning and they told me not to come out of my room until they hid the eggs. Anyways, back to mean ol' Bonnie. Today I was filling out some questions and they were questions like.. "What are your first memories of your siblings?" or "Did you used to fight with your brothers and sister?" Well duh, I'm 100% sure everyone fought with there brothers and sisters.. It was just fun thinking back on things Bonnie used to do to me. I know everyone in my family remembers when I was 13 years old.. 4'2" and 45 lbs. Because I didnt grow until after about the middle of my sophmore year in highschool. So it was really easy for her to pick on me, but when I grew we stopped hitting eachother.. we just argued. I was big enough to hit back finally! But to answer those two questions... My first memories of my sister. Its sort of hard to determine which ones really come first, They are all from when my family lived in Wild Peach. We had some acres out there where my parents had used to keep horses and pigs and chickens. So we had barns and things like that. I was that annoying little sister I guess you might say. I wanted to do EVERYTHING Bonnie and her friends did. I was probally about 4 and we always had these silly clubs. At each of the kids in the neighborhoods house, they had some type of "club house". Jenni had her blue dollhouse that they painted my face red with lipstick in, Josh and Lauren had a nice house so they had a game room.. sort of, the 3 sisters down the road... well we played in a old fridge at there house. Our house had the horse barn and the chicken coop. I would walk around in my red boots and a diaper with Bonnie and Jenni. Well that day I couldnt be part of "Their" club so I had to make one by myself and the only place I could play was the chicken coop. Because they said so.. So im thinking I was about probally 3 or maybe 4. I couldnt have been older because we moved from that house when I was about 5. So im outside playing by myself. Bonnie and Jenni are done playing in the barn and I remember watching Bonnie. She told me to "Sit down, they would be right back" something along those lines, and she locked me in the gate in the pasture. I remeber sitting for probally 10 mins waiting, but when your 2 ft tall, that pretty much feels like 2 hours. Finally my mom came to get me. There was the time I watched Bonnie and Jenni tried to set our house on fire. I dont know if you remember the Barbie that had roller skates. It was sort of like a lighter. Barbie + Lighter - Fluid = Barbie with dangerous roller skates. Bonnie grabbed some news paper from out of the house, and literally tried to light it on fire. That way she could "Catch the house on fire".
Or the time we got new neighbors. Bonnie told me to "moon" the next car that drove by. So of course I did. Well the next car that drove by was the new neigbor... She called my mom. Mean lady.
Bonnie told me to play dead so she could tell mom that I got ran over by a car. So I laid there in the street trying not to breath at all. She runs screaming to the house yelling "MOM Jessalyn just got RAN OVER." So my mom comes out of the house and looks towards the road and im laying there about 300 ft from the front door. Breathing. So she yells at me to get up because she can see Im not hurt.
I got her back though.. I killed her pet. Swear. Straight up murdered your hamster Bonnie. That little bastard bit me. You guys think I did it on accident?? NO way. It was definetly on purpose, I thought to myself, "I dont think I can really choke this thing, it would be like choking his entire body.. probally I could pick him up by his tail and swing him around real fast for a few seconds and then I can slam him into a wall. Then ill put him back in his cage to die. No one will know what I did. They wont think im capable of doing something so disturbing, im only 5!" So I did it, then you cried and I was happy. No actually I dont even remember doing that and I know I denied it for years. Sorry I killed your pet. Ill never hurt Alabama Coco Love Keesler. Cross my heart.. hope to die. mm k? We used to have to share a bed in the same room at our old house. I actually still have the same bed. Bonnie got it when moved into our new house, when she moved off to college I got it! When she came home she wanted it back. So I refused, I love that bed. She had the box mattress and i have the mattress. But now that its just sitting in her room, I want it back. Im glad I just thought of that! Anyways, that room was ALWAYS messy. Toys over here and over there and up there. When we moved out we were excited about having our own rooms, well as they were packing our rooms and pulled those mattress' up to load they found junk EVERYWHERE. We fought about whos it was of course, or who had to pick up the room. I remember my parents telling us.. "Well when your in your own rooms we will see who the messy one is." For years they assumed it was both of us. Because really let me make this clear. The bathroom was always full of clothes and makeup and hair products and stuff that was hardly ever mine. My parents would tell me to clean it up. I would always tell them. "ITS NOT MINE! MAKE BONNIE CLEAN IT!!!" It didnt matter because I always had to. Id think god I cant wait for her to get married and not have to clean her stuff up!! Well guess what Mom and Dad??? How clean is that bathroom?!?? I knew I was the clean one! The week that she moved out I cleaned my room up and it hasnt got messy yet!! But her home is clean all the time to. I guess were just messy when we have to share.. And question #2?? God we fought so much, for soo long. Christmas Eve I was to close to her or something I guess.. So when my parents were in the back bedroom.. she decided to scratch my eyes with her long fingernails. I mean literally.. it was like she was a cat batting at my face. - Or the time we got in a fight with air freshner. I probally started that one. She sat on top of me and soaked my hair and got it all in my eyes. - We beat eachother with wire hangers, remote controls, whatever was around. - There was the time she melted a yellow popsicle and chased me around telling me to drink her pee. I had to lock myself in my parents bedroom and call my mom to tell on her! - I think the only time I ever actually hurt her was when I got a broom after her, I made her legs bleed!! Pretty soon I got a little bigger and she finally quit messing with me. About my sophmore year we started to actually "like" eachother. I still got on her nerves im sure because I was sort of the tag-a-long. Its funny how much things changed.
The night Bonnie got married, I was dancing with my Uncle Mike.. he said to me "Do you remember how much you and your sister used to fight? Now yall are really close huh?" Thats when my moms words came into play, "When you and Bonnie are older your going to appreciate eachother more." Bonnie is my best friend. When things seem like they are falling apart, shes there. When im mad at someone for whatever stupid reason it might be, shes not there telling me its stupid. Shes there agreeing with me. Any friend I have ever had, Bonnie will always tell me what she thinks of them and what kind of person they are upon meeting them. Of course it bothers me, but I know shes right. Shes a really good judge of character. Bonnies also one of the most thoughtful and giving girls that I know. I know well always be close like we are and were always going to be there for one another.
I love my sister.
Along with all of her uhhh "creativity" I guess you could call it
