Amazing

To my best friend.
Jamie,
I didnt get to talk to you so much before you left. Sure we talk on msn alot but still. I think sometimes friendships are taken for granted and its hard to realize. That day I spent with you and Hunter really made me realize how bad im going to miss yall. I realized it right when I was laying on the bed with Hunter and he put his little arm on his hip and his blue eyes gazed right into mine. God hes amazing! I wished at that moment that I would have spent more time with the two of you. But like they say.. You never realize what you have until its gone. I know your not gone, but your not just down the road anymore! Ive told you so many times how proud of you I am. But once again, your amazing! You changed so much, and in so many good ways. You excel being a good mother. Being such a young mother has got to be hard, but your so independent, strong, and willed.. That you could succeed in anything that you put your mind to. I know your going to do soo good in Florida. I hope that everything you want out of this experience, you get. You deserve it. I want to thank you for always being there for me. You always know the right things to say to make me feel better. I hope you know that im just a phone call away, flight away, 1,032 miles away, or only 15 hours and 23 minutes away! Im always here for you Jamie. Im very proud of you and I love you very much!
Jessalyn

Yayyy!

I get my Sidekick 3 today!!

Live. Love. Listen.

"I grew up in a small town alot like Tree Hill. On the edge of town, there was an overpass above an interstate that went places. Exotic places. Exciting places.Somewhere else. I used to sit above that highway and wonder where all those cars were going. Where people inside were going. Or where they were coming from. And as soon as I got my drivers liscense, I became one of them. For me, there were always two reasons to take a road trip, and neither of them had to do with destination. The first was to spend time with good friends. To talk. To laugh. To live. The second was to listen to music. New music. Old music. Great music." - Mark Schwahn

This qoute is just a entry on a cd I bought, Its full of some awesome music. Its got this really good song called Crown of Thorns. Id never heard it until right now. In the same paragraph im qouting from this man goes on to say, how you can hear a song and relate to it at some point in your life. Certain songs remind you of a good memory from the past. Tom Pettys "Last dance with mary jane", does that to me. It remeinds me of a entire summer, I was in looove with that song, and that was the summer I first heard it.

Its not just things you hear or see that can bring memories back.. What about smells? Like the perfume you were wearing, or the smell of your hair on a night that something happened to you. Its like when you use that scent for the first time in a while.. it floods you with memories. I just put a new air freshner in my truck.. and as soon as I smelled it it brought back such good memories! You should always pay attention to the sights and scents and sounds.. they mean alot to.

Anyways today ill be leaving for New Braunfels again, hopefully the weather will be as nice as it was last weekend!

Its called Suction Aspiration.

I wasn’t going to write this blog because TONS of people are going to find it offensive and be really mad. But for the mothers I know who got pregnant at 17 and 18 and do badass for themselves and there children... I am going to. Why do women who have something that’s apart of them in there bellys, decide to drink? Knowing they have this embryo inside of them that’s forming into a tiny precious little baby. An embryo THEY created on their own, an embryo that would have formed into a fetus and then into a fully developed human being... while there "mother" is pumping poison into its VEINS. A child that could have lived to be 100 years old, that child would have had a name.. A future.. It would find love and happiness, it might have had children of its own, it might have gone to college, became a doctor.. A lawyer.. but no instead a selfish human being who HAD the chance it will never get, wants to take a vacuum full of suction that’s going to literally RIP him apart. It’s going to dismember his HEAD from his neck moving on to his tiny little legs and feet, his hands and small little arms, his spleen and his ribs, EVERYTHING into a freaking VACUUM. If the cost of a child’s life is worth one damn drink to you.. You definitely do not deserve to have something people WANT but cant have. There’s such a thing as adoption.. it saves a 19inch 6lb child with 10 toes and 10 fingers, with 2 ears and a belly button, with there little nose and blue eyes.. or brown eyes.. maybe even green eyes. That child’s real "mother" may not want to be part of his life, but she cared enough to let someone else be apart of his life and save him. But if these women are dumb enough to drink and do drugs with this little body in there wombs.. let these mothers feel the guilt of destroying.. What could have been there child.. but they are to ignorant to know that they need to grow up and take responsibility of there actions..
If you’re too stupid to get on birth control...
Its called ABSTINENCE. No you can’t buy it.

And for a little more information about one of the most common forms of abortion...
If you cant handle it, dont click it.. its sort of graphic.

Click right here.

Out of nowhere

Passed out on a 4 hour road trip at 3 in the morning..
"CLICK IT OR TICKET"
wow. where am I? What just happened? And then.. the first thing that comes out of my mouth after I was woken up by Brandi screaming is..
"Who even HAS 200 dollars"
Im soo sleepy.

Happy again. I think?

Wow things have changed soo much since the last time I wrote. Reading back all I can think to myself is.. uhh was I kidding myself?! A old friend actually emailed me after not talking for months. At this point I think I was at my lowest and her words hit me hard. "Ive learned that somethings just aren't meant to be and somethings are..." Although I don't know if I'm actually willing to give everything up for good, but for the time being I am going to. I cant believe how much happier Ive been the last 2 weeks. Ive made a new friend and Ive apparently lost one. I'm not sure exactly why I lost that friend, but at this point what matters most to me is being happy. And if that makes me less of a person to you in the process.. to bad. Because making myself a happier and better person is making me more of a person. Its awesome to see a few of my friends pull together and try to make me feel better. A little girl time, a few weekends away, and a couple new friends.. makes alooot of difference. I know I'm not perfect and I do and say things that are probably unforgivable, but I just want those things to be forgivable. I'm only a 19 year old, I don't always think out things logically. I think its called being human!! Anyways.. if your one of the few that are making me feel like a bad person, I'm through with people like you. Theres people that hurt your feelings and then theres people who take things away from you intentionally. Those of you have hurt my feelings in the past I'm over it.. and I hope if Ive hurt yours, you can get over it. But to the one person whose taken something away from me to try and hurt me.. sweetheart you did it, you did exactly as you said. So now your a shitty person. Anyways I just thought I would get that out there. I needed to write!

Falling a step behind.

When your desperatley wanting something, I think that the want part gets in your way. You dont need it, but you want it and your willing to do whatever it takes to get it. I sat myself down last night and thought to myself.. Is what I keep putting myself through ACTUALLY worth it? I mean I keep trying and trying, getting closer and closer and it seems like its all for nothing. Or maybe just for a few days things are perfect. To me that makes it worse.. to get exactly what you want and then have it stepped all over. Only to put myself through it a few days later. Its my fault ultimately, I put myself through it and I dont know why. But to answer my question.. is it worth it? Yes, It means everything to me. This is so new to me, I never had to try before. It always worked out for me, but right now... im falling a step behind. No matter what.

It hurts,but im not done trying.
Dont be worried though, its not dangerous

I love my sister.

Growing up my mom would always tell me, "When you and Bonnie are older your going to appreciate eachother more." I would think there was NO way I can ever like Bonnie. Because if you would have asked me 10 years ago if I liked my sister.. You would hear me say how much I HATE HER. Because let me tell you. I really thought I did. You think you had a mean sister?! If you would have had to deal with Bonnie, your brothers and sisters would look like the easter bunny or something. Speaking of.. when I was 6 years old, She told me how Santa Clause, the easter bunny, and the tooth fairy were all fake. Duh I didnt believe her for another year or so until I woke up and heard my parents in the attic on easter morning and they told me not to come out of my room until they hid the eggs. Anyways, back to mean ol' Bonnie. Today I was filling out some questions and they were questions like..
"What are your first memories of your siblings?"
or
"Did you used to fight with your brothers and sister?"

Well duh, I'm 100% sure everyone fought with there brothers and sisters.. It was just fun thinking back on things Bonnie used to do to me. I know everyone in my family remembers when I was 13 years old.. 4'2" and 45 lbs. Because I didnt grow until after about the middle of my sophmore year in highschool. So it was really easy for her to pick on me, but when I grew we stopped hitting eachother.. we just argued. I was big enough to hit back finally!
But to answer those two questions... My first memories of my sister. Its sort of hard to determine which ones really come first, They are all from when my family lived in Wild Peach. We had some acres out there where my parents had used to keep horses and pigs and chickens. So we had barns and things like that. I was that annoying little sister I guess you might say. I wanted to do EVERYTHING Bonnie and her friends did. I was probally about 4 and we always had these silly clubs. At each of the kids in the neighborhoods house, they had some type of "club house". Jenni had her blue dollhouse that they painted my face red with lipstick in, Josh and Lauren had a nice house so they had a game room.. sort of, the 3 sisters down the road... well we played in a old fridge at there house. Our house had the horse barn and the chicken coop. I would walk around in my red boots and a diaper with Bonnie and Jenni.
Well that day I couldnt be part of "Their" club so I had to make one by myself and the only place I could play was the chicken coop. Because they said so.. So im thinking I was about probally 3 or maybe 4. I couldnt have been older because we moved from that house when I was about 5. So im outside playing by myself. Bonnie and Jenni are done playing in the barn and I remember watching Bonnie. She told me to "Sit down, they would be right back" something along those lines, and she locked me in the gate in the pasture. I remeber sitting for probally 10 mins waiting, but when your 2 ft tall, that pretty much feels like 2 hours. Finally my mom came to get me.
There was the time I watched Bonnie and Jenni tried to set our house on fire. I dont know if you remember the Barbie that had roller skates. It was sort of like a lighter.
Barbie + Lighter - Fluid = Barbie with dangerous roller skates.
Bonnie grabbed some news paper from out of the house, and literally tried to light it on fire. That way she could "Catch the house on fire".

Or the time we got new neighbors. Bonnie told me to "moon" the next car that drove by. So of course I did. Well the next car that drove by was the new neigbor... She called my mom. Mean lady.

Bonnie told me to play dead so she could tell mom that I got ran over by a car. So I laid there in the street trying not to breath at all. She runs screaming to the house yelling "MOM Jessalyn just got RAN OVER." So my mom comes out of the house and looks towards the road and im laying there about 300 ft from the front door. Breathing. So she yells at me to get up because she can see Im not hurt.

I got her back though.. I killed her pet. Swear. Straight up murdered your hamster Bonnie. That little bastard bit me. You guys think I did it on accident?? NO way. It was definetly on purpose, I thought to myself, "I dont think I can really choke this thing, it would be like choking his entire body.. probally I could pick him up by his tail and swing him around real fast for a few seconds and then I can slam him into a wall. Then ill put him back in his cage to die. No one will know what I did. They wont think im capable of doing something so disturbing, im only 5!" So I did it, then you cried and I was happy. No actually I dont even remember doing that and I know I denied it for years. Sorry I killed your pet. Ill never hurt Alabama Coco Love Keesler. Cross my heart.. hope to die. mm k?

We used to have to share a bed in the same room at our old house. I actually still have the same bed. Bonnie got it when moved into our new house, when she moved off to college I got it! When she came home she wanted it back. So I refused, I love that bed. She had the box mattress and i have the mattress. But now that its just sitting in her room, I want it back. Im glad I just thought of that! Anyways, that room was ALWAYS messy. Toys over here and over there and up there. When we moved out we were excited about having our own rooms, well as they were packing our rooms and pulled those mattress' up to load they found junk EVERYWHERE. We fought about whos it was of course, or who had to pick up the room. I remember my parents telling us.. "Well when your in your own rooms we will see who the messy one is." For years they assumed it was both of us. Because really let me make this clear. The bathroom was always full of clothes and makeup and hair products and stuff that was hardly ever mine. My parents would tell me to clean it up. I would always tell them. "ITS NOT MINE! MAKE BONNIE CLEAN IT!!!" It didnt matter because I always had to. Id think god I cant wait for her to get married and not have to clean her stuff up!! Well guess what Mom and Dad??? How clean is that bathroom?!?? I knew I was the clean one! The week that she moved out I cleaned my room up and it hasnt got messy yet!! But her home is clean all the time to. I guess were just messy when we have to share..
And question #2?? God we fought so much, for soo long. Christmas Eve I was to close to her or something I guess.. So when my parents were in the back bedroom.. she decided to scratch my eyes with her long fingernails. I mean literally.. it was like she was a cat batting at my face.
- Or the time we got in a fight with air freshner. I probally started that one. She sat on top of me and soaked my hair and got it all in my eyes.
- We beat eachother with wire hangers, remote controls, whatever was around.
- There was the time she melted a yellow popsicle and chased me around telling me to drink her pee. I had to lock myself in my parents bedroom and call my mom to tell on her!
- I think the only time I ever actually hurt her was when I got a broom after her, I made her legs bleed!!
Pretty soon I got a little bigger and she finally quit messing with me.
About my sophmore year we started to actually "like" eachother. I still got on her nerves im sure because I was sort of the tag-a-long. Its funny how much things changed.

The night Bonnie got married, I was dancing with my Uncle Mike.. he said to me "Do you remember how much you and your sister used to fight? Now yall are really close huh?" Thats when my moms words came into play, "When you and Bonnie are older your going to appreciate eachother more." Bonnie is my best friend. When things seem like they are falling apart, shes there. When im mad at someone for whatever stupid reason it might be, shes not there telling me its stupid. Shes there agreeing with me. Any friend I have ever had, Bonnie will always tell me what she thinks of them and what kind of person they are upon meeting them. Of course it bothers me, but I know shes right. Shes a really good judge of character. Bonnies also one of the most thoughtful and giving girls that I know. I know well always be close like we are and were always going to be there for one another.

I love my sister.

Along with all of her uhhh "creativity" I guess you could call it

Ashley Tisdale

Every day I think about this Punk'd espisode I watched last week. It cracks me up everytime I think about it. The kid is just so funny.

Shooter.

There really is some sick people in this world we live in. You never know whats going through a persons mind. You can for the most part tell when some one is depressed or hurting, but gosh. Did no person try to help this guy Cho Seung-Hui??? Everyone knew something was wrong, I mean he wrote these crazy stories and the things he wrote would have proven to me that he was a frrrreakin weirdo!! It makes you think about all the kids you went to school with, when they describe this guy about 10 different people pop into my mind. But really hes just more creepy then the kids I knew.

"Ms Roy said he had also been caught taking illicit mobile phone photos of women from under desks."

Ugh sooo creepy.

Check this out on myspace. There are 5 pages all created after April 16, 2007 of Cho Seung-Hui. Fake Myspaces.

Oh Gosh, and imagine being this guy, all of the hateful glares you would get.. Wayne Chiang.

Creepy, its all I have to say.

Ya

Have you ever felt like your being used? But its by someone you love.. so you dont really mind? Ive been feeling that way for awhile now. Its definitley one of the worst feelings Ive had in awhile.. When I want to talk about it, the words just do not come out. They wont. To everyone else I can talk so freeley about it. Just not to that one person.

Emily.. Emily..

After college Emily, Jacob, Blake, Houston, and meee went to look for prom dresses.. and might I add.. She found the most gorgeous one EVER! Anyways... being broke like we are it was a bit hard to afford dinner after the pack of ciggarettes we both needed so dearley.. But we counted change and somehow managed to find 4 dollars in change to go to taco bell. We leave the boys and get in the car laughing at how redicoulous her radio sounds and just keep talking. Emily: "I dont know how I should do my hair for prom.." Me: "Yea, wear it down. For my prom I put mine up and it got kinda frizzy.. EMILY!" And then we did a swerve and then we just stopped. Stopped right into this mans Caravan! Luckily we both had seatbelts on.. In trucks I generally dont wear one. But we were in a car so Im glad I wore it. Turns out the damage isnt so bad to the mans car. But to Emilys its a little bad.. She decides to wait to tell Darrell in a text message... that way by the time he was off of work he would already be cooled down enough to talk to her. But we still got our Taco Bell.. but I just paid in cash.. I thought she might need that change until she fixes that mans van!!

College

So Ive decided I want to go back to school. The hard thing is.. Ill have to take the lowest remedial math class and I can only take 2 classes a semester. It will take me forever to get my school done. So that pretty much discourages me. Well yesterday I went and talked to a counsler about graphic design. I cant do it. They dont offer it at BC. So that really does suck. I did find some good news though. Turns out you dont have to be 21 to begin the police academy classes, you just have to be 21 to take the test. I really do want to be a police officer but pretty much decided I wouldnt do it. Now Im back on that path again. Its what I wanted to do since about my junior year in highschool. Ill have to start prolly when im 20 though. So at least thats another year off. Its only for 2 semesters but the hard part is.. its a 6-10 class Monday-Friday. Thats alot of school!! But while im still young enough to do something with nothing holding me back.. I may as well give it a go!

Life does go on..

Its crazy how you loose friends.. you mourn over it.. defintley dont forget about them... but you just keep going on. Its all you can do, but sometimes its sad. There was a guy I have known since I was in 5th grade that passed away not to long ago. I dont really think about him as often as I should.. But reading on his myspace all the things his family and friends will write him, Its amazing. Its just like hes still right next to them and you would really think he is still alive. I hope when Im gone that my friends and family would not forget about me. So many people I knew passed away this year. I never really lost a friend until Jason. He really was a wonderful person, Its crazy how someone can just be taken away from you instantly. Then there was Stephen. I didnt really think about the men and women over fighting for our rights. Until he was gone. Even after he was gone he was still teaching us lessons. I know im alot more aware of things though. I try to be a better person and forgive the people I had problems with. When im gone.. and who knows when that could be.. I want to go in peace knowing that my friends and family will be okay.

Shiloh Ridge Pics

This weekend at Shiloh Ridge was a blast. It wasnt as muddy as I expected it to be and there wasnt as many people. I liked it like that! Im already counting the days until we go back in April! Sounds like everyone in LJ had a good weekend to! Kind of. Well heres a few pictures from the weekend!

Shiloh Ridge

This weekend a few of my friends and I are going up to Alto Texas. Its a huge mud park called Shiloh Ridge . Its a place we dont get to go to very often.. only about 3 times a year. Originally we were going to go to another mud park called Spring Creek... but with all this rain it was pretty much flooded. Shiloh is my favorite place ever to go fourwheeling! I really didnt want to go since everyone would be going April 19-21. But now im definitley excited! Were leaving tonight and were going to be home on Sunday. Its gonna be alot of fun! Im going to try to take lots of pictures, but its probally going to be extra muddy!!

Wedding

So my sister Bonnie got married this Saturday. And im not even just saying this because shes my sister... She had the most beautiful wedding Ive ever seen. The reception was SO much fun and we basically danced the night away! They were married at Varner Hogg Plantation in West Columbia. They left early in the morning where they evantually arrived in Las Vegas. They came home last night with some great pictures and had lots of fun. But I know Baby Allie missed them both sooo much! When I came home later that night and as I went to lock our front door, I paused and thought to myself "Oh wait. Bonnie will probally be in soon." Then I realized Bonnies all married now and has her own place! Its gonna take some time to get used to it!

Golden Rule

So.. This week I have been staying at Marcus and Bonnies apartment. I was pretty much alone all last night and I really had alot I thought about. Ive been pretty depressed for awhile over some things. But like everything I get sad about.. I always realize it doesnt really matter. Ive learned these past 2 months alot of things. About how I should treat people, when and when not to make yourself happiest, and how to let go of things.
At some point something is going to matter to you sooo much and probally your going to realize how small it is. Or your going to realize a old grudge really doesnt matter. Your going to loose friends, meet new ones. And most importantly learn who your true friends are. Remember the golden rule from 1st grade?! You should always treat your friends how you want to be treated. I used to think when a friend would hurt me.. i should hurt them back. But that is definitley wrong. You should always be the bigger person. Be honest with your friends and dont do things behind their backs. Thats what hurts the most.
As Ive grown up some... Ive found myself to be a good person. I try my best for my friends and family, and I love them with all Ive got. You learn lots of lessons that show what kind of person you are.. People arent always going to like you. But hey.. your you. Growing up my mom would always tell me... "You are the people your friends with." I used to disagree with her sooo much, I hated when she would tell me that. But now looking back... Its sooo true. Look at who your friends are and see how much you are like them.. all of your friends. You probally have alot of the same habits as them. But im proud of who my friends are.. and what kind of person I am around them all. So choose your friends wisely.
Anyways I dunno what this really is about but whatever.. Im out
Jess

Newww

So generally I write my blogs on myspace. I love to write blogs.. normally they are about nothing in particular. Or maybe how im just feeling and whats going through my mind. Writing makes me feel alot better if Im mad about something. But I wanna try and start writing a little more often.. So im gonna give it a try!